The Ultimate List of 250 Work Jokes

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The workplace has changed drastically over the last two decades. From the factory assembly line grunts to the creative millennials who integrate work into their lifestyles today, the workplace has evolved to incorporate cultural, intellectual, and social changes. 

Drilling deeper, the social changes that have impacted the workplace have caused people to spend more time with their coworkers in a non-working environment. For example, we all know about water-cooler talks, cafeteria lunches, team-building activities, and team-bonding experiences. 

But this evolution has brought along challenges of its own. Today, it’s no longer enough to qualify for your job. You also need to be familiar with the social dynamics that will make you part of a team, and you’ll need to know how to navigate those dynamics with flying colors. 

And work jokes play a huge part in this. 

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Laughter makes us less stressed and makes us appear more sociable. It also helps us boost creativity and cut through the tension, and is a desirable leadership trait. 

When we laugh together, we create a bond together and that makes the workplace better. This is precisely why we’ve put together the ultimate work joke list, a massive collection of 250 jokes you can tell at work that won’t get you sent to time out.

The list includes all kinds of jokes that will come in handy at the workplace, regardless of the situation. To make it easier to find the right joke for the occasion, we’ve divided the list into 10 categories:

Let’s jump right in.

Work Jokes for Your Boss

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01. If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer…oh wait, he does.

02. Hey Boss, what’s a committee? 12 people doing the job of one.

03. Hey Boss, why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? They took a day off.

04. My Boss has an OCD. Every time I don’t finish my work he notices

05. Boss, do I still have to write Boss in uppercase?

06. Hey Boss, what’s the best way to make a small fortune in the stock market? Start off with a big fortune.

07.What days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weakdays.

08. Boss, there are 10 types of employees: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

09.Why are Ladas so bad? Because they keep Stalin.

10. What band was better than The Cure? Prevention!

11. How does NASA organize a party? They planet.

12. What’s the pirate’s favorite letter? It’s not r. It be the c.

13. Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks? In case they get a hole in one.

14. What kind of bow can’t be tied? A rainbow.

15. Someone once told me to get an internship. It will give me all the experience without the hassle of a paycheck.

16. Hard work never killed anyone—but better not risk it!

17. I tried starting a hot air balloon business. But it never took off.

18. I used to work for a paper business. But then it folded.

19. What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.

20. What do you call a pigeon who can’t find his way home? A pigeon.

21. I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

22. A healthy sleep not only makes your life longer but also shortens the workday.

23. I have a few jokes about unemployed people. But it doesn’t matter—none of them work.

24. Hey Boss, I heard you are going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch. It might be me.

25. They told me that hard work never beats talent— I guess I’m just not talented.

26. Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.

27. Hey Boss, what’s the flower business when it’s going really well? Blooming.

28. Hey Boss, I hung a picture up on the wall the other day. Some would say that I nailed it.

29. I ran into a statistic that says that 42 percent of statistics are made up!

30. Sorry I’m late! Traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past five years and I was not expecting that.

FunnyNotFunny Jokes (Dry Humor)

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31. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.

32. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

33. How do you count cows? With a cowculator!

34. What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback.

35. What do sprinters eat before the race? Nothing—they fast.

36. If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

37. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

38. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know which comes first.

39. Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!

40. What has two butts and kills people? An assassin.

41. Five-fourths of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.

42. Why couldn’t the bike stand up by itself? It was two tired.

43. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.

44. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.

45. I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw!

46. When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

47. “Your slide deck is too well-designed. It suggests you spend too much time on things that are not important.”
– “You don’t give me important tasks.”
– “That’s no excuse for good design.”

48. People used to laugh at me when I would say I want to be a comedian. Well, nobody’s laughing now.

Employee Retention Report

49. My boss says I intimidate the other employees. So I just stared at him until he apologized.

50. Cleaning mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.

51. Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.

52. What do you call a Russian procrastinator? Putinoff.

53. How do you make a fire with two sticks? Make sure one of them is a match!

54. I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

55. I love it when I leave work early to surprise my wife at home and she greets me with those three very special words: Were you fired?

Did you know: Only 22% of employees believe their management is very transparent, compared with 40% of managers?

New Hire jokes

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56. Don’t steal! That’s the government’s job.

57. Listen, rookie, nobody is listening to you…until you fart.

58. If you work extra, you’ll get paid.

59. Just so you know, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.

60. What’s the world’s saddest pizza? A pepperlonely.

61. I can’t seem to find my Gone in 60 Seconds DVD. It was here just a minute ago.

62. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!

63. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

64. Thank you, student loans, for getting me through college. I’ll never be able to repay you.

65. Where do eggplants come from? From chickenplants.

66. Be like a proton. Always stay positive.

67. Don’t argue with decimals—they always have a point.

68. To err is human, to blame it on someone else is management.

69. If a prince farts, is it a noble gas?

70. I accused my husband of being too immature. He told me to get out of his fort.

71. Everyone started putting their names on their food. I saw it today while I was eating a sandwich named Mark.

72. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted.

73. If you think you can, you can’t.

74. ”Let me give you some advice: First, they ignore you. Then they laugh at you.”
-”And?”
-”That’s it.”

75. If you’re ever feeling stressed out, make a nice cup of tea and spill it on the lap of whoever’s bugging you.

76. Here is my “great employee” mantra:
– “Don’t work.
– Never dream.
– Always give up.”

77. I always tell new hires: Don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you.

78. How long have I been working for this company? Ever since they threatened to fire me.

79. Definition of a Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

80. What’s a resumé? Just a list of things I hope nobody ever asks me to do.

81. The best way to keep a job is to work at it!

82. My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.

83. What’s the best work politics? Anti-work but pro-paycheck.

84. Great things never come from believing in yourself.

85. There’s never enough time to do it right. But there’s always enough time to do it over.

Special occasion jokes

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86. What’s Valentine’s Day? A harsh reminder that I’m forever alone.

87. How did the iPhone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring

88. Roses are red
– Violets are blue
– But I wouldn’t know
– I don’t get them from you.

89. What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day? I’m stuck on you.

90. What did the British do when they changed their mind around Brexit? An EU turn.

91. Hey Europe, you look like you’ve lost some POUNDS.

92. What’s the cover song of Brexit? We Will We Will Rock EU

93. How do you say a toast on St.Patrick’s Day? Don’t worry, beer happy.

94. Today, my son asked Can I have a bookmark? and I burst into tears. He’s 11-years-old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.

95. Know why skeletons are so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.

Culture Code Workbook

jokes you can tell your coworkers

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96. What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.

97. I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me.

98. I really like working with you.

99. What’s a werewolf’s favorite food? Werewolves aren’t real.

100. What’s black, white, and red? A newspaper!

101. My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. I did— went out, had a few drinks, saw a movie. Great guy.

102. What do you call a monkey that stepped on a minefield? A ba-boom.

103. What do you call a priest’s persona? His altar ego.

104. How many sailors are Pirates? 3.14%.

105. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.

106. Steak puns are rarely well done.

107. Roses are red
– Facebook is blue
– No mutual friends
– Who in the world are you?

108. What do you call a dog that can do magic tricks? A labracadabrador.

109. What does a pirate do on the weekend? Y-AAARRR-dwork.

110. Did you hear the latest statistic joke? Probably.

111. Why do construction workers have the best parties? They raise the roof.

112. My boss told me to have a great day so I left and went to the movies.

113. I like my work calendar like I like my coffee. Free.

114. How do you cut the sea? With a seesaw.

115. Why is ice so edgy? Because it was water before it was cool.

116. The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. Restaurant In Peace.

117. Never stop doubting yourself!

118. I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it. So, they gave me the ax.

119. Boss: “You’re fired.”
– Me: *slams fist on the couch* “You woke me up for this?”

120. I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn’t at work anymore.

121. What do you call a mind reader who can’t read minds? A telepathetic.

122. Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

123. The human soul weighs 1.2 lbs. I know because I’ve weighed myself before and after I walk into my job.

124. Tomorrow is a big day for me at work. They are refilling the snack vending machine.

125. – Me: How do I unsubscribe so I don’t get your emails any more?
– Boss: What?

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Retirement jokes

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126. The goal of every engineer is to retire without getting blamed for a major catastrophe.

127. What’s the biggest gripe of retirees? There isn’t enough time to get everything done.

128. When I retire, I’ll be happy.

129. All our lives we are working hard so we can have money when we don’t need it.

130. I can’t wait for retirement. I’ll barely walk and have money.

131. What did the hotdog say after it won the race? I’m a wiener.

132. What’s a dinosaur’s least favorite reindeer? Comet.

133. What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison.

134. What kind of bear has no teeth? A gummy bear.

135. Can February March? No, but April May.

136. Why did the orange lose the race? It ran out of juice.

137. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.

138. What kind of a car does Yoda drive? A Toyoda.

139. Why did the computer go to the doctors? It had a virus.

140. A taxi driver got fired today. Apparently, the customers didn’t like it when he tried to go the extra mile.

141. What’s the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, obviously.

142. Did you hear about the painter that got hospitalized? They say he had too many strokes.

143. Not all math jokes are bad. Just sum.

144. The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

145. You don’t believe books save lives? Dinosaurs didn’t read and now they are extinct.

146. Where did the Romanov get his coffee? At Tsarbucks.

147. Old salespeople never die. They just check out.

148. Why do retirees count pennies? They are the only ones that have time.

149. What do retired people call a long lunch? Normal.

150. What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Retired.

151. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey.

152. Work hard and save your money and when you are old you will be able to buy the things only the young can enjoy.

153. Make each day unimportant!

154. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.

155. Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.

self-deprecating jokes

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156. I’m in shape…if round is a shape

157. I’m a project manager and I can’t even manage my own room.

158. Why are ninja farts so dangerous? Because they are silent and deadly.

159. They always say you need to fight fire with fire. That’s why I got fired from my job as a firefighter.

160. I’m at a really low point today. But the worst is yet to come!

161. It’s garbage day. I can’t believe they made a day about me.

162. I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes, he laughs.

163. “Siri, why am I still single?” Siri activates the front camera.

164. My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed my stuff and right.

165. I thought they gave me the camera to make group photos because I was a great photographer. But apparently I’m just ugly in pictures.

166. I was raised as an only child—and that got on my brother’s nerves.

167. I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was a kid.

168. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.

169. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

170. I visited my friend at his house and he told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out because I don’t like to have visitors.

171. Why do vampires look sick? They are always coffin.

172. If at first you don’t succeed…then skydiving isn’t for you.

173. If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.

174. My momma is so mean that she can make an onion cry, let alone me.

175. Why did I stay home last night? I wasn’t invited…

176. Dream it. Believe it. Do nothing about it.

177. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

178. If our boss makes a mistake, it is our mistake.

179. I’m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

180. I don’t work well under pressure, or any other circumstance.

181. To err is human. To blame it on someone else shows management potential.

182. Don’t be happy because it happened, cry because it’s over.

183. The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired you still have to show up the next day.

184. Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.

185. When in doubt, mumble.

Knock-Knock Jokes

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186. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Voodoo.
– Voodoo who?
-Voodoo you think you are, asking all these questions?

187. Knock! Knock!

-Who’s there?
– Obama
– Obama who?
– Ooobaaaaaa myself.

188. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– FBI, open-up!!!

189. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Double.
– Double who?
– W!

190. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– A broken pencil.
– A broken pencil who?
– Forget it, it’s pointless.

191. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Annie.
– Annie who?
– Annie thing you can do, I can do better.

192. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Hawaii.
– Hawaii who?
– I’m fine. Hawaii you?

193. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Ice cream.
– Ice cream who?
– Ice cream if you don’t let me in.

194. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
-Tank.
– Tank who?
– You’re welcome.

195. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Britney Spears.
– Britney Spears who?
– Knock, knock—oops, I did it again.

196. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there:?
– Dismay.
– Dismay who?
– Dismay be a bad joke, but I think it’s funny.

197. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Nanna.
– Nanna who?
– Nanna your business.

198. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Etch.
– Etch who?
– Bless you!

199. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Olive.
– Olive who?
– Olive you.

200. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Cereal.
– Cereal who?
– Cereal pleasure to meet you.

201. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Daisy.
– Daisy who?
– Daisy me rollin’, they hatin’.

202. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Aida.
– Aida who?
– Aida sandwich just now.

203. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Lettuce.
– Lettuce who?
– Lettuce in, it’s cold out here.

204. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Boo.
– Boo who?
– Hey, hey, don’t cry.

205. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Yah.
– Yah who?
– No thanks, I use Gmail.

206. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Zany.
– Zany who?
– Zany body home?

207. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Beets.
– Beets who?
– Beets me!

208. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Owls say.
– Owls say who?
– Yes, they do.

209. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Déja.
– Déja who?
– Knock! Knock!

210. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Noise.
– Noise who?
– Noise to see you!

211. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Cook.
– Cook who?
– Well, someone sounds a bit crazy.

212. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Noah.
– Noah who?
– Noah good place where we can have lunch?

213. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Yukon.
– Yukon who?
– Yukon say that again.

214. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Luke.
– Luke who?
– Luke through the peephole and see.

215. Knock! Knock!

– Who’s there?
– Police.
– Police who?
– Stop telling these awful jokes, it’s the police, open up.

Geography Jokes

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216. How two Americans talk about the weather in the Arabian Peninsula:
– Oman, is it hot in here?
– Yemen, it is.

217. I asked my friend in North Korea how he was. He said he can’t complain.

218. What do you call a Mexican who lost his car? Carlos.

219. What do Nordic people say after they finish eating? I’m Finnished.

220. Why don’t you come and visit Poland? Nah, I already Warsaw it.

221. I could tell you a joke, but you already know what I’m Ghana say.

222. Well, there is Norway I can make a great joke.

223. I’m Hungary for some Turkey.

224. When I go to West Africa I’ll make sure Togo to Mali and then I can say I’ve Benin Timbuktu.

225. Don’t show Djibouti here.

226. It Tokio long enough to notice that I’m Hungary.

227. Kuwait a second, I’ll be right there.

228. Did Jamaica me any food yet?

229. Maybe my friend knows some more jokes, so I figure Alaska later.

230. Kenya think of any better jokes?

231. Bolivia or not, we will someday run out of jokes.

232. Maybe I could Netflix and Chile today.

233. Are you guys China be funny?

234. I got Togo.

235. Iran out of jokes

ICEBREAKERS

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236. Did someone say swaaag? (swoop right in and say it obnoxiously)

237. What did one Frenchman say to the other? No idea, I don’t speak French.

238. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where is my tractor!?

239. Why is 5 afraid of 6? Because 7 ate 9.

240. What do you call a cop with a wooden leg? Officer.

241. Roses are red
– Violets are blue
– I came up with a joke
– But forgot it too.

242. Hey, are you feeling cold? Go stand in the corner, they are around 90 degrees!

243. How does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together.

244. My computer sings. It must be a Dell.

245. Why don’t vampires bet on horses? They can’t handle the stakes.

246. What’s a tornado’s favorite game? Twister.

247. Does anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na.

248. What did the zero tell to an eight? Nice belt.

249. Why was WWI so quick? They were Russian. Why was WWII so slow. They were Stalin.

250. How did the Vikings communicate? With Norse Code.

The Power of Jokes in the Workplace

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Jokes in the workplace are just one part of many activities that make or break employee engagement.

According to our research, companies may want to consider telling more jokes. The TINYpulse Engagement Report 2019  found out that only 9% of people think their average coworker is very happy, half think their colleagues are moderately happy, and 39% think that they are unhappy.

Relationships aren’t just built with jokes (although they are an important part of social bonding). They are built by engaging in activities that foster trust and build a community of emotionally engaged employees.

Not sure what such activities look like? No problem, we’ve got you covered. Check out the ultimate list of team-building activities and you should be able to find at least one or two that make sense for your team. Stick to it and, over time, you’ll build a stronger team—one that’s happier and more engaged.

And while we’re talking about relationship-building, you know what would be great? To hear your favorite joke in the comment section below. Remember, sharing is caring.

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Source: This post was originally published at Tiny Pulse on .

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